First Impressions of Fatherhood
The hair. The first thing I saw was the hair, and it blew me away. You see, I was bald until I was 3, and as luck would have it, my hair never actually grew in all the way. Apparently my hair was contractually obligated to come late and leave early, because as it turns out, I seem to be losing my hair rather early in life as well, which left me wanting more from my relationship with my hair. I guess we just never clicked. Which is why the hair was so amazing. There was my little girl with hair all over her head. Amazing! Don't worry, I knew she was my baby because, as luck would have it, she had my receding hairline. Good genes!
Her cry came next. It tugged at my heart strings like nothing before. As I watched the Doctor's hold her up, I waited for the first breath. She took a deep breath and her lungs filled with oxygen for the first time - the moment of truth! And then, she let us know how she felt about the whole birthing experience. And cry she did. Our tear ducts must have been hooked up by wifi, because just as she started to cry, so did I. The doctor's took her over to the heat lamp to try to warm her up a little. I walked over and put my hand on her chest and she stopped crying. I however did not. How could I? She stopped crying when I touched her! This parenthood thing couldn't be so hard, right? From this moment, I knew that I would love being a daddy. I knew full well that it would be hard. I thought of all the crap I put my parents through. I thought of all the corrupt influences that the world would try to throw at my pure, beautiful daughter. Regardless of how difficult I knew it was going to be, I knew that being "daddy" would be enough to make me happy in life.
Mostly it was her eyes. That's what I remember most. She wouldn't stop looking at me. I of course didn't mind. It was like she already knew who I was, and she was trying to tell me hello. I could feel love in her eyes. She couldn't say it, but she could tell me with her eyes. Those of you who have really looked into a baby's eyes know what I'm talking about. They were the biggest, most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They made me wonder what she was thinking. They reminded me of the sanctity of life, that we had created an entirely new person. This moment in time gave me a glimpse into the way that God feels about us, and what he wants us to do in life; An ever present reminder of what life should be about. Her eyes will always remind me that life is about people, more specifically, that it is about losing your own selfishness and devoting your life to making other people happy. Looking into those eyes, I knew that the rest of our life was going to be about her. And how couldn't it be. This is the ultimate victory in life. To love someone more than yourself.
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